Duck Duck Cougar?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
