don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
