i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
