Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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