just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
