Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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