on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
