it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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