Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
