Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
