He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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