idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize