I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
