I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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