So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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