He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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