So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
