I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
