I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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