Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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