So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
