I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
