mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
