shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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