Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
