If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
