we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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