Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
