awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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