i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
