i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
