She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
