evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
