I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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