the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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