i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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