walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
