It's Friday. Sex?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize