I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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