Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
