I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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