Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
