so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
