I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
