You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You are the jesus of drinking
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
