Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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