i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
