Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
