Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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