I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
