Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
