I forgot how hot balto sounded
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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