the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
