'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is wine microwaveable?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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