I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
