I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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