I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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