Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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