At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Still dying that you shit outside
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize