Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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