The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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