I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
