I'm really into asian looking animals
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
