You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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