his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
