Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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