Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
