I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
