how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
