I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
