last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
