I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
