She's JV to your varsity
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize