Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
